Imagine this…

You’ve just hiked six hours through raw Canadian wilderness with a small group of men. Each one here for the same reason — growth, reflection, and real connection. You’ve learnt what it means to have a real ‘mens chat.’

You cool off in a glacial lake. Then build a fire together.
Later, you sit around it — swapping stories, opening up.
A men’s chat with purpose. With direction. With men who actually get it.

Sound too good to be true?
But it doesn’t have to be.

The truth is, modern life makes these kinds of conversations almost impossible.
We’re expected to keep it together. Stay strong. Suck it up and move on.

But the kind of men’s chat that changes something in you?
It needs space, trust and distraction-free time with men who are on the same path.

And this kind of mens chat doesn’t happen on WhatsApp.

Where does a mens chat actually take place?

The reality is, most mens chat today happens in surface-level spaces — WhatsApp threads, pub banter, mid-shift break rooms.

We’ve built cultures where emotional openness is either dismissed as weakness or reserved for private crisis moments. And while movements like “it’s okay to talk” have been a powerful step forward, they often don’t go far enough.

Most of the current outlets — therapy, counselling, or confiding in family — are vital. But they tend to enter the scene when a man’s already on the edge.

What about the man who’s not in crisis… but still lost?
Who isn’t broken, but feels disconnected?
Who craves purpose, direction, or just real conversation with driven, grounded men?

That kind of mens chat — honest, present, and peer-driven — is much harder to find.

Modern life doesn’t make space for it.
Endless distractions, pressure to perform, and a culture that rewards external success over internal truth push those conversations into the background.

With this being said, more and more men are quietly realising that they need something more.

How does the wilderness change a mens chat?

Ok, let’s be real, we’ve all heard the cliché “get out in nature to clear your head.” Of course, this helps, but if you’ve ever done it alone, you’ll know the truth: your mind comes with you.

Sure, the scenery is stunning. The silence is refreshing. But without a shared purpose, someone to challenge your thoughts, or even just someone to keep you honest, it becomes all too easy to reach for your phone. Drift back into distraction. End up walking in circles — both physically and mentally.

Now imagine something different. The same wild setting, the same long day’s hike. But now, you’re with a small group of like-minded men. Real mens chat.

No phones. No one’s performing. Just honest conversation, shared challenge, and mutual trust.

Out here, your ego fades and your usual masks drop. But not because anyone says so, but because the wilderness demands it.

The physical effort pulls you into the present and you begin to open up. But open up in a soft, spill-your-guts kind of way, but in a clear, focused, purpose-driven way.

You spend time to listen, to speak and to reflect. And somehow, with all of this combined. It sticks.

My personal experience of initiation incorporating a mens chat

I have seen first hand the benefits a wilderness experience with other men can have.

The intention was was simple, met up in the woods, build a fire and some shelter, discuss the purpose of the meeting and to crystalise the whole experience in a ritual, of sorts. The ethos of the meeting was one of non judgement, to be as open as you want, and be open to new experiences.

The ritual was a crucial element. Men’s rituals, practices and initiations have all but been lost in Western society. Did you know that many communities all across the world, including in the Amazon and Africa, still practice men’s initiation to this day?

This is again a topic for another time – the main point here is that every man should have a ‘right of passage’, a sometimes symbolic, or even definitive point in there life which transitions them away from boyish bravado to manhood. You can read more about mens rituals here.

Our process of initiation…

The ritual involved writing down, on a small piece of paper, the one thing we wanted to let go of. The one thing we felt was holding us back. Then we went around the circle and were invited to share this with the group. For me, it was lust. A conversation for another time – but if you’ve come this far, you’ll likely know what I am talking about.

After I shared this, I placed the piece of paper into the fire and then meditated on a new beginning, a new chapter for myself.

Once all the papers had been burnt, we all got into the (cold) water, as a means of cleansing ourselves, of new beginnings. Completing the ritual.

The shared experience meant that even those who had never done cold water plunges before could stay in for some time. The dopamine hit afterwards brought us from the water elated. Happy. Collective congratulating each other and then warming back up around the fire.

This type of experience wouldn’t have been the same without other men. Without a purpose in place. Without an idea of what we wanted out of the experience. This is why the wilderness is so powerful, it brings us back to our ancestral routes. Something of which cannot be achieved by talking therapy or individualism to rife in todays society.

That night, something shifted.

That kind of moment isn’t possible in a WhatsApp group.
Not at the pub. Not even in a therapist’s office.
It needed other men, purpose and the wild.

Most importantly, it needed the recepe of a true mens chat.

These are initiations — the very thing Robert Bly wrote about in Iron John.
And it’s exactly what most men are missing today.

The Power of Brotherhood and Challenge

This is where I feel traditional talk therapy, and even some mens groups, begin to alienate themselves. Brotherhood in the form of group chats, without the added crucial elements of action, challenge and shared experience, becomes a distilled version of what I believe is required to make a man energised.

I’m not saying that all of us needs to be warriors, far from it, but all men have within them fragments of a warrior, that if left unnutured, or even worse worse, never nurtured, turns its ugly head in the form of anger, anxiety, dark thoughts and unresourceful thinking.

You already know what you’re comfort zone is slowly killing you – I’ve been there. I hated it. The monotonous existence that so many of us live today – it’s not healthy to our spirit.

Through sweat, silence and shared experience, you nurture that warrior, that adventureur within you to awaken…and with it? The opportunity to face your problems head on, with other men, in an action orientated way, free from distraction and judgement.

No one is ‘helping’ each other. They’re walking beside you.

When men feel seen — not judged — that’s when things shift.

Making the Shift

So where do you go from here?

Start by simplifying. The noise of modern life — phones, deadlines, expectations — can cloud your ability to hear yourself. Begin carving out space. Walk in silence. Journal without filters. Wake up early and sit with your thoughts before the world has a chance to shape them. This isn’t about being perfect — it’s about making room to listen to that ancestral knocking you’ve been ignoring.

Next, seek challenge. Physical challenge, especially. Whether it’s a long solo hike, a cold swim, or lifting weights in the early morning, the discomfort sharpens you. It strips away ego and brings clarity. And often, that’s where you’ll find the answers you’ve been chasing in comfort zones.

But don’t do it alone.

Find good men. Not just drinking buddies or colleagues. Men who want to grow. Men who can hold space for the real stuff — the fears, the frustrations, the vision you have for your life. Organise a regular gathering. It could be a fire in the woods. A monthly cold plunge. A hike with phones left behind. Whatever it is, give it intention.

Lastly, ask yourself hard questions. What am I avoiding? What am I ready to let go of? Who am I becoming?

You don’t need to blow up your life or disappear into the mountains to find meaning. But you do need to step deliberately away from the noise — and toward something more real. Start now. Start small. But start.

An Invitation Back to Yourself

Maybe you’ve felt that same tug.

That quiet knocking in the soul. Asking for something real.

If this sounds like you – I’m inviting you to take a look at our Men’s Reset Expedition.

Lead by an experienced men’s coach, it’s guaranteed to challenge you. Push you. And take you to the next level.

This experience isn’t for everyone.

But if something in you stirred while reading this. If it felt more like remembering than learning.

Then maybe, just maybe, it’s for you.

We keep the group small. Intentional.

If this speaks to you, reach out. Let’s talk.